you know, it always makes me laugh looking at people that i grew up with and seeing where they are at in their life compared to where i am. some people are the same people they always were - losers. mall hanging losers. others are doing really well - got good jobs, some have kids, some are married, and some are just enjoying being 23 and 24.
as for me, im happy. probably the happiest ive ever been my whole life. (and i know it may not seem like im happy, but trust me, i am ). ive finally settled into a job that can pay all my bills rather then working 3 different jobs to make ends meet. ive found out who my true friends are - and separated myself from those who would only bring me down in the long run. ive fallen in love with the most beautiful man on this earth. i truly believe we were meant for each other. we fight like cats and dogs but id rather have a million bad days with him then one good day with someone else. my family continues to be my rock .. my mom, who i never thought i could get any closer with - i have. she is so amazing. i wish i could be like her. so brave and open minded. she can do anything she puts her mind to and does without ever looking back. ive forgiven people in my family who've hurt me countless times but realize that it takes WAY too much time and energy to hate them. id rather just accept the differences and keep it moving. and you'd be surprised how good it feels to forgive and let things go. so amazing.
it hasnt been easy though. i have my days (a lot of them) where im happy one minute and depressed the next. over the years ive gotten HORRIBLE anxiety - everything makes me nervous to the point where i can make myself sick. im stuck in the middle of my past and future ... where i want things my way but know it cant always be like that. the hardest lesson of all though has to be Trust. every day i struggle with it. Ive never trusted anyone besides my family and even those certain people have broken it so to learn how to trust someone else is hard, scary, and just plain painful at times. My boyfriend is the most patient man in the world. he helps me learn and grow, he wipes away my tears, and he gives me strength and hope that things will get better. but man, is it tough. and every day its a battle i go through. but i have faith that in time, things will get better and ill learn that not every one is going to leave and not everyone cheats.
and maturity. oh how some people have gotten there and others are left in the dust. it annoys me to no end to see certain people im close with act like children and be so selfish still. its ok to be a little selfish but to let it run everything you do is a little excessive. i mean shit, no one was more selfish then me and i still am sometimes but some people just let it control them. we are grown adults. if you want to be considered one then act like one and accept ALL responsibility it comes with.
dont expect others to take up for your mistakes. YOU made them. YOU deal with them. DONT LIE. who lies at this age? be honest because karma is a bitch and WHEN it comes back it bites even harder. know right from wrong. i dont care how you were raised, society in itself teaches you right from wrong. you know not to steal, kill , cheat, or lie. there is no excuse for you doing so. be YOURSELF. stop looking at others or thinking that your someone that your not. just be you. its exhausting to even watch you be someone else so i cant imagine how it feels to be an actor 24/7.
just needed to let that out a little bit ... usually im screaming, ranting, or crying so why not write it out this time. im trying to take the more calm and cool approach to things. now i know im far from perfect but i am human and do make mistakes. im "mean" (whatever that means), i hate just about everyone (although i am working on being more friendly lol), i have zero patience, im a brat when im lacking hugs and kisses at all times, and i can be a little over-protective (please dont fuck with my family, friends, or boyfriend. we DEF dont play that around these parts. i may be trying to learn and grow but i will still bust ya ass :o) )...but i accept them and make a conscious effort to work on them daily. theres a difference between accepting who you are and just going with it and accepting who you are and striving to make yourself a better person.
ill take option 2 for 500 Alex.