i spent a good portion of last night BITCHIN. just bitchin. i cant stand people - why do they all have to get on my nerves ? for real . like is it me ? is it just that i have no patience or is it that every one that i seem to come into contact with is just fuckin dumb. im PISSED at how ive been acting lately - and simple answer is to CHANGE IT but for some reason, its a lot easier to complain about it then actually change it. but. after a few hours of bitchin and hurting someone feelings - sidenote: i didnt mean to, but sometimes the truth hurts. i think i had a coming to Jesus talk - ever have one of those? cause let me tell you - you can learn a lot just by having one of them lol. to make a long story short, i have come to the conclusion that when i was in school i was safe and secure in my own little world. but now that i have nothing to fall back on , its scary so i just keep in the world that i have going because nothing is a sure thing - where as sticking where i am, i know it aint going no where. BUT i have to change that cuz ima be miserable forever and i cant stand miserable unhappy people - lol you seeing the pattern ?
in conclusion: im going to start focusing on the things that are important to me - my job, getting another job, paying bills, saving money, and staying fly. of course my fam and friends are at the top of that list but they are the air i breathe so i dont think of them as part of a "to do" list. i gotta stop being comfortable where i am and start making moves. so thats why today i sent out my resume to a few places and ima get my life right back on track like it never left.
sideline bullshit gets you no where - dudes, drama, bullshit - all that shit will have you going in the same circles over and over again - and thats why i feel like im always miserable. i let dumb shit fuck with my mentality of whats real and whats not. but im good on it - soooo good on it.
i am not God and i cannot fix anything. whats meant to be will always be and thats that - every situation works ITSELF out on its own, not with me or anyone else forcing it to happen. so fuck it. 2 tears in a bucket.
im back on my grind people ... with a fuck you mentality.