so im seriously irritated and rather then be completely italian and snap and create a problem, i figured i would be constructive and write .. but then i couldnt find a pen .. or a plain piece of paper ... and so now here i sit , mad as hell
i cant stand disrespectful people. and ya'll know i love my mama more then i love life itself but i cant stand her dick head boyfriend. when hes here, i try and tolerate him and be respectful of him because i love her and she dont disrespect people when i have them over .. but the man is just a straight dickhead and ya'll know i cant smile for people i dont like .. if i dont like you - i just dont like you .. i cant pretend i do and chances are when you are in my presence i will instigate shit just to get on your nerves. but do i do that with him - no . i act like an adult and just keep it moving. he make a mean breakfast so i eat and then i sit in my room for the rest of the day because the two of them together makes me sick .
and its not that im mad that she got a dude ... but for the past 4 years they have done nothing but argue and fight with each other - he disrespect her all the time and ya'll know how hard that is to keep my mouth shut when he come at her , regardless of if she stands up for herself or not . i cant do it anymore.
dude is in MY house , where I live - not him , and he gon come out of his mouth with some extra disrespectful shit - and he knows exactly what to say to make me snap and he says it any way and when i ask him nicely to stop - he tells me "get used to it" .. EXCUSE ME ?! you in my house and you gon tell me to get used to the shit you say .. who the fuck are you ?! you aint my dad, uncle, grandfather, friend, NOTHING - u aint shit to me but a constant headache and pain in my ass and you want me to get used to you comin at me ?! and then my mom just sit there ... when 2 days ago she was bitchin bout him disrespecting her too .. and dont you know - i come home on saturday and hes here ....
i cant handle my anger in a smart way .. i really cant .. and if i dont handle it i get anxiety and become a complete fuckin bitch for like 3 days following it because i cant get it out ...
so now here i sit, in my damn room, i thought i had plans but that aint happening... so i guess i will remain seated here till i take my ass to bed ....
God give me strength ... cuz on some real shit .... i dont know how much more ima be able to tolerate without blackin out on someone.
and i apologize and ask for forgiveness ahead of time.