so i logged into Myspace just now because i wanted to see what blogs i still had posted up there .. and i came across these. i so wish i could figure out what made me write this stuff. i dont remember who or what made me write like this but it kinda shocked me to begin with. truthfully i dont even remember writing these. but its interesting to look back and read them because something triggered these thoughts. Peep:
is it just me ?
that catches herself gazing into space
reminiscing on the way things once were
is it just me ?
that thinks about things way too deep
and wonders if just 1 thing went differently
would we still be together?
is it just me ?
that regardless of what happened
and the angry words that were said
would would we both jump at the chance
to try things on more time ...
is it just me ?
or when you get a text message
do you secretly wish it was me?
when your phone rings
do you hope to hear my voice on the other end?
is it just me ?
or are you looking at my pictures
thinking damn "shes doing well "
when deep inside all "she" wants
is for you to come back around
is it just me ?
or are you wishing that one night
when your out with your boys
that you run into me?
what will you say? will you come close?
or will you just stare from across the room?
is it just me ?
or do you want us back too ?
and that you'd do anything
to feel me back in your arms
because i can tell you
that i miss you
that i want you
that those words were just out of pain
and i never meant a word of them
because i can tell you
that its not over
not for the both of us
you cant tell me that our story is over
i wont believe it
because i can tell you
that i want us back
that ill work for us
that all this time that went by was just that - time
nothing more.nothing less.
because i can tell you
that i care.
and that im here.
waiting.
for you and me.
tell me
im not the only one.
........................
addiction
i cant sleep, because your face is all i see
behind these bloodshot eyes
i cant stay awake
because the killers of this pain are deep in my system
i cant breathe
because you were the air that allowed me to survive this long
i cant move
because the pain you have caused paralyzed my being
i cant ...
but i need
you ...
your the drug i use to ease my every day pain
but your the reason why im addicted to these pills
lined up the table
that i contemplate taking all of them
just to ease the addiction i consume for a few moments
this isnt me
you've taken away "me"
and made "me" .. you
and now im stuck, locked in these 4 white walls
with people i dont even know poking and proding me
askin me questions
but they could never understand my answers
they act like they know, but they will never know
know my addiction ...
my addiction
is you
they're addiction
is me.
..............................
Worth .... Less
they say you cant lose something that you never had ....
... and thats why it hurts. but it doesnt hurt as bad as it could
cuz after every rain storm , the sun shines
and after watching you walk away, another will get in the way
making it hard to see your back .. making it easy to see his front
they say if you have something real, hold on to it
... and thats why i tried.
but opposites attract. and thats why we didnt.
cuz we are the same. so i cant leave u to blame.
cuz it was the both of us , wrapped up in the silly game ...
they say whats meant to be will always be
but i dont want to waste time and wait
and i wont
so dont do the same for me
they say it takes seein him with another for you to realize his worth
but i say it was seein him with me that that made me realize he was worth-less.
i used to write poems all the time. sometimes i would just write in general - not even things that had to do with me. sometimes i would. i think im going to get back into it because i used to have books filled up of poems and thoughts and feelings. damn, now im gonna go try to find it and read through it. but i really am gonna try to get back into writing poems.
*starts thinking*